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» In Light of Faith
 
27th Sunday in Ordinary Time (Year B)
October 4, 2009
by Genevieve M. McQuade
“Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate,” Mark’s gospel declares this week. These words have generated anguish in many hearts when spouses’ ill-spoken words or selfish actions have already killed a marriage.
However, even in good marriages it’s easy for a communication breakdown to fracture the union.
Stuff happens. Different personalities produce misunderstandings and unfulfilled expectations.
Tense peace at any price or overt friction can rule, chilling love’s warmth and dreams. Yet, aren’t we persuaded by the romance of “opposites attract” in our popular custom?
In our homes, we may see furniture and wood trim show wear and tear. Even if treated gently, the appearance deteriorates. Finishes age. Stains dull. Paint chips. Wood splinters.
We might take time to refinish a lovely piece of furniture or repaint a doorframe for a fresher look.
So too with relationships, though nurtured at the start, they get taken for granted. They diminish from the time of their bright and hopeful beginnings.
Can they also be restored?
Let no human being separate?
We’re not talking about lawyers here nor allowing inexcusable abuse, but rather about the troublesome nicks that bruise the hearts of spouses in the normal course of life.
Oftentimes, rifts start out barely noticeable, then cycle on and off, until communication becomes unilateral or non-existent.
Good will having worn away, two virtually single people share the same household. With the necessity nowadays for two-income households that’s often the case anyway with spouses barely communicating for days or more at a time.
Who’s at fault can’t be the central issue, but rather how to deal with the splintering agent. The couple’s relationship must count far more than the splinter.
The relationship — that’s the primary issue. Sustaining the marital bond that is spousal relationship is far more important than permitting one’s ego, pride (or hectic schedule) to get the upper hand.
It is possible for two to face an issue together as one, rather than further distressing each another over the damage, increasing the harm.
Visit your library or bookstore and you’ll see lots of books on the differences between “Mars” and “Venus”; differing love languages; and how little boys and girls differ in their approach to many things from childhood on. These explain ways of communication that can aid understanding and bring about change for good.
Instead of harping on the irritation time after time, how might you decide to love instead of dwelling on an injurious word?
How might you converse more gently, both with words and by body language, without attacking your spouse?
As an ongoing sacrament, matrimony doesn’t end with the ceremony. Couples can ask God’s help everyday, all day. Try out positive supports for marriage, such as the Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekends.
Discover the richness of your relationship sometimes lying hidden from recognition in the daily give and take of pressured lives. Discover that restoration can be backed up by more than fleeting words.
How else might children learn firsthand that squabbles can be worked through successfully; that forgiveness, reconciliation and renewal can follow; and that difficulties, as part of life, are not cause for ignoring them or exiting without carefully considering solutions?
With persistence, couples can brighten their union of heart, spirit, and body that God desires for spouses, so “they are no longer two but one flesh.”
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How do we reflect on our Catholic identity?
by Mary Hood Hart
At the parish where I work we recently began a new series of adult religious education.
The subject is “What Makes Us Catholic?”
Last evening was our first in the monthly series, and several dozen adults, mostly senior citizens, showed up for the discussion.
The hope was to elicit from the group responses to the question: “What is fundamental to the Catholic faith?” While a number of responses were offered, ranging from the precepts of the church (although the respondent couldn’t name them) to the Creed, from the communion of saints to the hierarchy, after an hour and a half of discussion, not one in the group named a relationship with Jesus Christ as fundamental to his or her Catholic faith.
During the discussion, excerpts from an article by Cynthia Toolen entitled “Who Is Catholic? The Awareness of Catholic Identity and the Universal Call to Holiness” were shared with the group in the hope of prompting them to a deeper awareness of what it means to be Catholic.
It’s worth noting that almost everyone in the room was a “cradle” Catholic. Only two had entered the Church as adults. Indeed, several stated they were Catholic because that is what they have always been.
In her article, Toolen identifies four categories which represent how a person’s Catholic identity can be measured. She states that membership in social groups has different degrees of importance, or salience, to people. In these four categories, she describes the levels, from lowest to highest, of importance.
The categories are worth examining because they provide an opportunity to reflect on our own Catholic identity and how we respond to membership in the Body of Christ.
The first category, according to Toolen, is “descriptive label.” A Catholic in this category is one whose Catholic identity has “minimal or no effect on external behavior.”
This Catholic may attend Mass on Christmas and Easter, but doesn’t think much about being Catholic and may view Catholic identity on the same level as other statuses, like ethnicity, age, occupation.
If asked about membership in a church, he or she may answer “Catholic” but add a disclaimer like “I don’t agree with most Church teaching.”
The second category is “social declaration.” In this category, a Catholic may attend Mass regularly and would probably tell others he or she is Catholic.
But the reasons he or she identifies as Catholic are to receive social status (be seen as God-fearing), to please a spouse, to gain acceptance into a community.
What is valuable in this category is the perception of others. In this category it is not a relationship with Christ that matters, it is that he or she is perceived as having a relationship.
This person’s external behavior may be affected by his or her Catholic identity, but his or her inner life remains unchanged.
The third category is “a distinctive affirmation.” Of this category, a Catholic would rarely miss Mass and might be an active member in a church-related organization.
This person wants to be identified by others as Catholic and strongly identifies himself as Catholic.
But even this strong identification doesn’t mean that he or she has a relationship with Christ. Nor does this suggest that he or she believes church teaching or lives a moral life.
Defining this category, Toolen quotes Pope Benedict XVI: “There can be people who are engaged uninterruptedly in the activities of Church associations and yet are not Christians.”
The fourth category is “a definitive statement.” The Catholic in this category strongly identifies himself as Catholic and his Catholic identity is evidenced by his external behavior.
Unlike someone in the “distinctive affirmation” category, however, being Catholic permeates the inner life of this person as well.
Toolen writes: “This person is engaged in a relationship with Christ and is growing spiritually toward holiness. He loves Christ and Christ’s spouse, the Church. He believes Church teachings on faith and morals, and daily grows in a life of virtue and obedience to God.”
It’s important for us all to reflect on what it means to be Catholic. Hopefully, after examining our own behavior and inner life, we can find that our Catholic identity is the “definitive statement” of our lives.
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Our first line of defense
by Barbara Hughes
October 7th marks the eighth anniversary of the war in Afghanistan. It is also the Feast of the Holy Rosary, a prayer that is often associated with world peace. Although the simultaneous anniversaries have received little attention, the irony seems to reflect a history that has consistently linked the rosary with warfare, both military and spiritual.
The practice of praying the rosary is credited to St. Dominic, founder of the Dominican Order of Preachers, but the Feast of the Holy Rosary was actually established three centuries later in thanksgiving for a military victory, which reflects the continued paradox.
On May 13, 1917, when Marxist atheism was taking hold in the USSR, the Blessed Mother appeared to three children at Fatima and told them, “Pray the rosary every day, in order to obtain peace for the world.” It started a rosary crusade that some credit with the fall of communism. Whether or not that is the case, the more important truth is that peace will reign when hearts are converted and Gospel values become a way of life, regardless of who is in power. Through the centuries, Marian apparitions have reminded us that peace is paradoxical, since communion with Christ demands renouncing conventional wisdom.
In 1531 at Guadalupe, Our Lady reminded the conquering Spaniards that in the eyes of God an Indian is as important as a Spaniard and so she chose an Indian peasant to take her message to a bishop. At rue du Bac, Mary appeared to St. Catherine Laboure to awaken the Church to the power of prayer following the revolution that left it secularized and wounded. During a time when French power was restricted to a privileged class of wealthy citizens, Mary appeared to a poor, uneducated girl at Lourdes.
The messages of Mary often warn of consequences if people do not return to God, as was recorded when she appeared at Kibeho in Africa. Through three young visionaries, Mary pleaded with the people of Africa to pray the Rosary of the Seven Sorrows. A world that was bent on sin and violence was offered a directive through prayer and a conversion of heart, but as Immaculee Ilibagiza, survivor of the Rwandan holocaust wrote, “We did not listen.”
The call to prayer and conversion has consistently been repeated in Marian apparitions. At the request of Mary, visionaries at Lourdes, Fatima, Kibeho and other places were invited to pray the rosary either before or during these supernatural visitations.
Although private revelations are not part of the deposit of faith and therefore, belief is not required, approval is granted only after a thorough investigation of the message, the visionaries and the fruits of the apparitions. Leaving the judgment to the local bishops, popes do not act as arbiters of authenticity. They may recognize the local ecclesial judgment verbally or by visiting the sites, but belief is left to the individual.
However, when the Church recognizes the hand of God in such events, and declares them beneficial and fruitful, why would anyone dismiss them? Even if Mary did not appear, the wisdom behind the messages of prayer and ongoing conversion can only change us for the better.
After eight years of war, our country and most of the Western world is becoming weary of war, questioning the continued loss of life, not to mention the huge financial burden. Although a military surge may cause a temporary slowing of enemy forces, military force will never bring lasting peace. As one Taliban or Al-Qaida leader is killed, another replaces him. When violence in one part of the world is overcome, another hot spot gives rise to violence someplace else. This has been going on since the beginning of human history.
When human beings are demonized, they become only the enemy, rather than part of the family of God. Until we realize that the real enemy is the evil that enters human hearts, declaring war on all that is good and holy, we will remain at war. We are fighting a spiritual enemy and it has nothing to do with religion. When evil is allowed to corrupt human hearts, a spiritual weapon is needed, for God alone can heal our attachment to sin.
St. Catherine of Siena, a third order Dominican and rosary devotee is credited with saying, “If you are what you should be, you will set the whole world on fire.” It is reflective of the paradox of the Peace Prayer credited to St. Francis of Assisi, who understood better than most the importance of turning the values of the world upside down.
As we move into yet another year of war, the Feast of the Holy Rosary serves as a reminder that we are in need of the kind of fire power that converts hearts and so prayer should always be our first line of defense, not the last resort.
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Copyright © 2009 The Catholic Virginian Press. Articles from Catholic News Services, including Fr. Dietzen’s column, may not be reproduced due to copyright considerations.
The Catholic Virginian is a biweekly publication serving the people of the Catholic Diocese of Richmond. This website includes some, but not all, of the articles from the print version of The Catholic Virginian.
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